You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
