i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize