i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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