yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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