i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
