I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
