You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
