Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
