I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Houston, we have a blender
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
