Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
