dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
