I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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