yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
