i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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