Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
