dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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