I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
babies were throwing up all over the place
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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