I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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