Your face is a jimmy john
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
