It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
