The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
