Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
