i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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