my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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