So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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