TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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