the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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