I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
