I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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