Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
