He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
