OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
