I hate your face
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize