Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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