as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
