Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
