there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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