Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
