I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
