I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
