i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
