My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my being single is dangerous.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
