I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
