I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
