I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
