I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
