just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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