As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize