they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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