This house was built for laser tag.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The struggles of a small town man whore
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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