I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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