just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
