why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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