Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
