we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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