FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
