cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
