Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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