Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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