he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
