everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
