Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I am available for nakedness
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize