my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
