Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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