I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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