conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
