I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
