The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
