She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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