Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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