imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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