At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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