Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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