My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
