I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Panties = found
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
