That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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