A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
