so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
